Tml..

Now..most probably is cannot get into top 4 le.. coz at qualifying we alrdy lost 2 rounds.. tml.. vs Nan Hua and Dunearn.. tml is another diff day ..

If i die before i try.. will i ever succeed ?.. guess not..

But it seems tat its difficult to make me alive again .. and if tml i lost 1 match due to nervous or not up to my own standard de hua .. i will nver be able to forgive myself.. nver in my life.. this few days .. when i close my eyes.. i will rmber those eyes full of hope given to me.. my team.. my coach .. my teachers..my family..wei li..seniors.. her .. but the moment tat makes me rmber tat i lost becoz i killed myself in the match coz im nervous.. my heart will race like hell .. i cannot forgive myself at all.. nver felt so choked before.. like everything seems to be in my neck.. i cant breathe ..

On Friday..

Wei Li and I cried when return .. Jishen say its a crap to cry.. i guess so far in Unity.. im the worst captain ever.. i cry infront of my team.. shld nver cry.. not say the leader of the team.. but i guess i take it as part of my soul.. my life ..everything i can ever give in to have.. now in my mind.. is the disappointed face of Coach.. he dint even scold me .. thats the guilty part.. he scold others like hell .. but only dint scold me ..

Tml...

No matter we are going in to quarter finals or not.. Team !.. tml .. give in ur best bah .. to me .. win or lose doesnt matter .. wad matters is the effort u put in.. its my last year le .. guess its my last summer .. winter is coming to my life .. hope to mend her heart and touched her..she would probably be angry to see this..hMM .. but shes important than anything else.. i cannot forget how cruel i was.. these 2 things is spinning in my head.. though she said focus on the competition first.. but really cant .. nth can replace her importance in my heart.. really nth