Too much for a life..

Have you ever felt like this? Like you feel like fucking everyone up even if they are your friends.. you just felt like you are being despised.. no ones understands you.. giving you the look that you are the one whom is wrong.. and you just felt like fighting.. using violence to resolve a problem you know you can't solve.. if yes.. you probably feel like dying.. but you can't.. so face it..

Alot of things happened.. some of you might know..some of you don't..

Mr Ler.. I didn't give up.. i really didn't .. but guess its too late since i realise.. thanks for giving me the last hope.. but i blew it..

The verdict is out.. the sch sentence me death..it might sound exaggerating..but yes.it was a death sentence..i wldnt know how to carry on anymore.. just confused by every single thing is this life.. but this sentence.. was fair.. i cld say.. it is.. for i was the cause of this..

Is there really no 2nd chance?...

Too much for a life.. really too much.. firstly..

My grandma went for operation.. for her knee which is around .. 30k.. really hard to cope..really hard..were all worried.. but the gd thing is.. she pulled through.. the operation was a successful one..

My father than felt something wrong with his body.. as in his body will start to hurt.. he went for checkup.. and the report was out.. luckily.. nth major.. hes fine..

My grandpa.. had a mild stroke.. ended up in hospital when my father just got out.. gd things is .. hes fine.. but now hes undergoing therapy in the hospital to recover.. really glad hes fine..

but .. all this is just gonna drain a whole load of money.. and my parents are really stress bout this ..

just at this period.. this time.. and I have to tell them that I cannot promote in JC and gonna retain?.. this is just too much for them.. i think this is gonna blow their blood vessels..

Yes.. the verdict is out..but ..do i really dun have a 2nd chance to prove myself.. i admit tat i played too much.. but i also tried hard.. esp for math.. but somehow just screwed up in promos.. and this.. is just gonna bring me another year?..

Really puzzled.. really.. dunno to continue on or go to poly.. but going poly is just another cash drainin route.. and i cant possibly give up everything that ive studied.. i really put my heart into it.. just too slow.. too distracted..

and for those who know wad happen to us.. wow.. really ..this is just .. too much for a kid like me..
what hurts me isnt really bout the verdict.. but a friend.. a friend that seems to be an angel.. but backstab me at the back.. to put me into this.. a friend that i can never lie to.. a friend that im willing to do almost anything to becoz ive the respect in him.. a friend that i cherish most yet afraid to get close to .. becoz im afraid others and he himself thinks that im sucking up to someone with authority.. i thank you.. for paving this route for me..for you think that this is best for me.. but .. at least be truthful.. i dun even know how to face u now.. i cant give u the smile i used ta have.. not anymore.. this is wad hurts me most..

and i can't leave my friends.. cant bear to leave them.. there are ppl whom I dislike.. whom always look at me like im some evil doer .. but there are ppl whom cherish me.. esp my classmates.. we do quarrel .. but i do treat them as buddies..

drifted apart from my friends in secondary sch.. not to forget that majority of them went to poly..

just makes me feel im in a middle of no where now... why.. why does all have to happen in 1 time..

really nver fall this badly.. just hurts too much..

dun need console.. dun need pity..coz theres nth to be pitied bout.. there are ppl worst off then me.. suffering greater pain .. so what is mine compared to the... i just need a smile back.. i want my smile back..a true smile.. really sick and tired of giving fake smile to ppl... like it is real ... can't you guys tell?.. what a shame..