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Feeling Really unhappy these days .. dunno why .. just empty.. like no one is ever there..

like jx no longer cares bout me..and i find it weird why the sudden change of attitude again.. perhaps she still cant take it.. but neither could I.. and i suddenly feel that I'm once again alone..

Like i said I won't mention her anymore.. but I can't help it.. everytime I feel empty.. I'll think how is she now.. hope shes better..

If I continue to be like this I know me and Sy will definitely break up ..

Becoz we are both busy .. and I really need companionship..but now.. I guess we really can't give each other much..

Few days ago I was angry with her and had a cold war.. becoz she said that she would drop by and pei me.. but .. I guess its just say say de ba..

But.. den I realise.. 'aiya.. we are both busy with exams.. den why blame her .. I might not have the time too.. '

That feeling of drifting apart from my girlfriend is coming back again...

Dunno.. Suddenly feel like doing all sorts of stupid stuffs that I'll never do .. like smoke .. or drink .. but I know I won't.. coz I swore never to smoke.. well .. drinking is fine.. but I cant afford to waste time to get drunk again.. but I'm living like everytime I wake up.. I feel like going to slp again.. how can I study now?..

Feel that theres no one really close to me.. .. feel really really empty..

Perhaps.. Its just how jerk I was.. that brought me to these.. my behaviour in school that no one would accept me as a true friend..

Don't dare to go jx's blog.. I dun even know I have the access to it or not.. but just dun dare to see all the things that spikes my heart.. Like I will never get hurt..

Stupid..

Beautiful

Lawl.. dint get into airforce.. sadded.. just got the letter.. guess I'm just not capable enuf..

but just can't stand my mum mocking at this fact that I can't make it.. fuck

Prelim was really bad.. shall not scare you guys with my beautiful grades...but I'll prove it in a few months time ... when we get our result.. My H2 Math MUST be A.. and I'll qualify for a local UNIVERSITY with the course I WANT

Guess my EQ is getting lower.. if not why am I losing friends one by one..
I couldn't feel any closeness in JC.. and I am drifting away from my secondary school friends..

I honestly don't know who will be there for me.. or am I just left alone on this world..

Simon has really been helping me alot.. and giving me a kinds of support and care.. but it's just .. somethings I feel very far from him.. maybe the reason is becoz hes a teacher..

Can never communicate with my family .. sometimes I just think that maybe I'm some adopted kid of something .. I dunno ... just can't seem to understand anything now..

Honestly .. I haven been talking with Shao Yan for days .. honestly I really need her alot.. to tok to me .. to just be with me.. . coz shes the 'only' one the can make me feel happier with.. but at the same time .. unhappy..

I really dunno why couples get together and after a period of time there will be minor stuffs tat makes it big and we cant seem to be as happy as be4..

but yeah .. the same thing goes again.. yes we have to study .. so yeah ..fuck this damn idea den .. lawl..

hmm but we have to study eh ?..rofl.. find myself so useless and gay sometimes.. like I'm the worst...

maybe all the criticises towards me are so true that I can't even believe it myself..

haha..

Life's great and Life's really a torture when you feel so helpless and useless and all you can do is type it on a piece of shitty blog.. and no one is reading it..


OK .. sound like a loser totally .. gd bye blog.. =)

Delwin .. was never Delwin when he decided to take that step ..

I realise.. I shldn't tok and think bout jx anymore..(I realise I just did .. becoz i really cant erase my memory ..) so wad if I still care.. She doesn't cares .. all the taking me as an 'invisible glass' has show it all ..

She no longer sms me to ask me if I'm fine.. and she doesn't reply any of my msg asking her to tc.. so why bother.. even if I cried whenever I think bout the past..

But it's just not fair to Sy at all ..

I've let Jx down .. and in this lifetime I'm in debt with her.. I can never repay what she had done for me.. But at the same time I can never forget how deeply I was hurt..

I dun wanna be a jerk I use to be anymore.. ..

I dunno whether I'll be with Sy for long .. I guess everyone is waiting for us to break up.. but well .. a joke it shall be..

But the fact is .. I really love her.. and even if she reads this post and she decides to leave me ..

Or if anything happens to us and we can no longer be couple .. I'll just wish her happy..

...

It's too late...