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Feeling Really unhappy these days .. dunno why .. just empty.. like no one is ever there..

like jx no longer cares bout me..and i find it weird why the sudden change of attitude again.. perhaps she still cant take it.. but neither could I.. and i suddenly feel that I'm once again alone..

Like i said I won't mention her anymore.. but I can't help it.. everytime I feel empty.. I'll think how is she now.. hope shes better..

If I continue to be like this I know me and Sy will definitely break up ..

Becoz we are both busy .. and I really need companionship..but now.. I guess we really can't give each other much..

Few days ago I was angry with her and had a cold war.. becoz she said that she would drop by and pei me.. but .. I guess its just say say de ba..

But.. den I realise.. 'aiya.. we are both busy with exams.. den why blame her .. I might not have the time too.. '

That feeling of drifting apart from my girlfriend is coming back again...

Dunno.. Suddenly feel like doing all sorts of stupid stuffs that I'll never do .. like smoke .. or drink .. but I know I won't.. coz I swore never to smoke.. well .. drinking is fine.. but I cant afford to waste time to get drunk again.. but I'm living like everytime I wake up.. I feel like going to slp again.. how can I study now?..

Feel that theres no one really close to me.. .. feel really really empty..

Perhaps.. Its just how jerk I was.. that brought me to these.. my behaviour in school that no one would accept me as a true friend..

Don't dare to go jx's blog.. I dun even know I have the access to it or not.. but just dun dare to see all the things that spikes my heart.. Like I will never get hurt..

Stupid..

Beautiful

Lawl.. dint get into airforce.. sadded.. just got the letter.. guess I'm just not capable enuf..

but just can't stand my mum mocking at this fact that I can't make it.. fuck

Prelim was really bad.. shall not scare you guys with my beautiful grades...but I'll prove it in a few months time ... when we get our result.. My H2 Math MUST be A.. and I'll qualify for a local UNIVERSITY with the course I WANT

Guess my EQ is getting lower.. if not why am I losing friends one by one..
I couldn't feel any closeness in JC.. and I am drifting away from my secondary school friends..

I honestly don't know who will be there for me.. or am I just left alone on this world..

Simon has really been helping me alot.. and giving me a kinds of support and care.. but it's just .. somethings I feel very far from him.. maybe the reason is becoz hes a teacher..

Can never communicate with my family .. sometimes I just think that maybe I'm some adopted kid of something .. I dunno ... just can't seem to understand anything now..

Honestly .. I haven been talking with Shao Yan for days .. honestly I really need her alot.. to tok to me .. to just be with me.. . coz shes the 'only' one the can make me feel happier with.. but at the same time .. unhappy..

I really dunno why couples get together and after a period of time there will be minor stuffs tat makes it big and we cant seem to be as happy as be4..

but yeah .. the same thing goes again.. yes we have to study .. so yeah ..fuck this damn idea den .. lawl..

hmm but we have to study eh ?..rofl.. find myself so useless and gay sometimes.. like I'm the worst...

maybe all the criticises towards me are so true that I can't even believe it myself..

haha..

Life's great and Life's really a torture when you feel so helpless and useless and all you can do is type it on a piece of shitty blog.. and no one is reading it..


OK .. sound like a loser totally .. gd bye blog.. =)

Delwin .. was never Delwin when he decided to take that step ..

I realise.. I shldn't tok and think bout jx anymore..(I realise I just did .. becoz i really cant erase my memory ..) so wad if I still care.. She doesn't cares .. all the taking me as an 'invisible glass' has show it all ..

She no longer sms me to ask me if I'm fine.. and she doesn't reply any of my msg asking her to tc.. so why bother.. even if I cried whenever I think bout the past..

But it's just not fair to Sy at all ..

I've let Jx down .. and in this lifetime I'm in debt with her.. I can never repay what she had done for me.. But at the same time I can never forget how deeply I was hurt..

I dun wanna be a jerk I use to be anymore.. ..

I dunno whether I'll be with Sy for long .. I guess everyone is waiting for us to break up.. but well .. a joke it shall be..

But the fact is .. I really love her.. and even if she reads this post and she decides to leave me ..

Or if anything happens to us and we can no longer be couple .. I'll just wish her happy..

...

It's too late...

Im getting over you.. most of the time..

Im getting over you.. most of the time..

This song is just always on my mind..

Cant get it off..

And since no one knows my blog url.. so fuck it..

Is it still wrong to think bout how are you.. are you doing fine.. and are you trying to get over me too?.. Coz its fair to nobody..

As I browse through the photos... Really cant help but to ..

Friends that I had are no longer mine when I have suffered the most torturous pain ..losing you..

I really hate myself for acting like everything is fine initially when we broke up...

Everybody just treat me as heartless freak.. but I know that I ain't..

I dunno who else does.. but I know.. that I am not.. I was never..

Can I say that I've regretted?.. haha.. it would be a joke.. and how fair is this to the woman I love now?..

I know I'm the one who's harsh and heartless and gave up on us.. and even moved on to another relationship thinking that I've forgotten.. hurt you too deeply..

But I really can't hurt another girl..

Its not that I dun love Sy.. I really do.. alot.. but... perhaps I really haven get over Jx..

Can I say I love both?.. Ha.. absurd.. totally absurd..

But I get equally nervous or panic when they both have problems..

That's the feeling I have now.. and its driving me crazy..

I know I'm wrong.. but I can't control it.. I really put in a lot of commitment in every single relationship..and hope I could be cherished too.. even with Candice when she changed(in my point of view) and hurt me so deeply..

Seriously, if a question were to be asked whether I would save Jx or Sy if they are in danger at the same time..

I would say both.. or I don't know..

but.. this is just .. absurd.. I mean who am I to hurt two wonderful girls who truly loves me.. and what rights do I have to love them?...

Both of them do not know how much I truly love and care for them.. becoz I never really told them..

Some say .. love doesn't mean possession .. love does'nt mean that two have to be together to have it..

I agree totally..

Becoz I just wish Jx can get over me fast and be as happy as before..

But I dun think thats possible for now.. Coz I've really hurt her too deep..

Time.. please heal her.. for you will heal me too..

And now...

I'm hated by the mass.. hated by the ppl..hated by my friends thinking that I'm heartless..

Sometimes I look into the mirror.. I try to say that I'm heartless.. and I can be a jerk..

But I can't.. I can't be the Jerk that I tried to be..

Every single bits of memory has now become a prick.. a chocolate in my heart.. followed by a spear.. followed by some sweets.. a gun shot.. followed by a tiramisu..with an ending of a drop of lime which consist of all the sour things in this world.. ..

Numb..

Felt so ENTHU TO BLOG =D

Felt so enthu to blog.. LOL.. becoz I just encountered a very amusing thing today..LOL.. ok tat sounds very bad.. hmm how shld I put it...

It was the first time i met a girl who can talk continuosly for 15mins(NO PAUSE).. im not kidding.. .. who make me feel so comfortable(not awkward).. makes me laugh like an idiot.. LOL.. and tats YI QI !

LOL.. ok.. dun really know her very well.. just know tat hes same class with Chong Hao and shes a gd fren of Gui Ping and once a crush of my fren.. LOL..

Ok so the story is like this.. we are in the same Chemistry Tuition Grp.. and lol..just nice happen tat Chong Hao's MUM dint bring key.. so he had to meet her to go home and open the door.. so Yi Qi and I walk all the way from the Tuition centre to Westmall..

And I aint bullshitting.. and I dint make this shit up.. trust me.. shes talked for 15 mins.. without any awkward pause (normally girls whom I just know will feel awkward when we are walking).. and I just kept laughing.. not bout the things she said!.. its bout how she can really talk continuosly..omg.. its undescribable.. ROFL.. But shes a nice fren.. hahaha.. =P.. wah..GuiPing.. no wonder shes a gd fren of urs.. 2 of u can really 'TALK'... imba..

=PP ROFL.. ok .. FUCKING TIRED TODAY.. FUCK MY LIFE... LOL.. JUST studied Math in the morning.. from 8 - 11... den 11- 1.30 got econs lecture.. den 1.30 - 4.30 studied physics and math.. and den 4.30 - 5 played bball.. woooo.. and den 5.30 to 7.30 did physics test.. den 7.30 to 9.30 had chem tuition.. den 9.30 - 10 talk to YI QI.. or rather listen to her talk..

LOL im just exaggerating.. not tat long..ROFL

JK YI QI.. dun wack me when u see this.. LOL..

Den 10 - 11 had my time with my dearest PSP with my oldie game initial D on the train back home..

Couldnt sms tat Braces Pig becoz my fone no batt..

11 - 11.30 blog.. 11.30 - 12 bath.. 12 - 1 do math..

Fuck My Life.. =)

Things..

Thanks to Barney Simon.. I got A for my stats test.. 27/30.. bloody hell.. wonder where did the 3 marks went to.. but ya=D.. since i got an A..which I set my target as.. shldnt whine much(actually i aim full marks).. thanks alot.. and of coz I won't forget Mr lawrence koh.. though i dint really ask him questions when i have doubts.. but I cant be selfish becoz i cant slow down the class pace..thank him so much for giving me all the help..everything and everything.. he might be leaving JJ at the end of this year.. so wish him all the best wherever he is posted to..

Barney isnt really very happy these days.. just hope he gets better..

Happy Belated Birthday Chun Yong.. =)) .. went to celebrate Chun Yong's birthday even though I'm really drained and sick.. but.. well I really treat him as bro.. and just wanna attend his bday.. he was the one who really cared bout my birthday..

Sort of touch bout how much all of them can do for him.. but.. sort of felt bad when they dint really did the same to me for my 18th..

Den I begin to think.. am I really such a bad brother.. that they cant rmb my bday or something..

Hai.. guess Wei Li and Chun Yong were the only ones who really care tat time..

Sort of pisses me off when I see some of my friends care so much bout their girlfriend and dint really care bout bros.. like their gf are their gods.. I mean .. wad bout friends whom have been with them for years?.. but well wad can I say .. maybe I'm just not worth their time..

Okay.. besides GuiPing and some other ppl.. not many ppl know i still continue blogging.. and for some reasons I just dun want them to know.. coz I won't be able to blog freely if they are gonna read it.. which makes my feelings fake..?

Have been ill ever since yesterday.. and erm..fever.. cought.. and bad flu.. yeah.. wasnt feeling right..

Once again.. Chris dint really trust tat I'm ill .. well ..fk tat den.. he can be really gd friend at times.. but I feel that he just treats Yi Hui too gd.. tat hes really not trusting or treating some of his friends the same some times..

Haven been talking to Jing lately.. but I realise that she had grown.. her thinkings are different.. and I can't believe some of the things that she had said.. she said.. " Go find other sis lo.. go church better.. many for you.." dint know if she meant it.. but it really hurts me alot.. like she aint like this b4.. and cant feel tat she cares as much for our relationship anymore..

It hurts so bad when you truly treat someone you love .. to say such things or do such things ta you ..

And today.. Jia Xin brought me the drink I bought for her a year ago.. when she knows tat I'm ill..(thanks alot..) alot of things came in my mind again.. and I begin to think.. if only this happened a year ago.. most probably we wouldnt break up..

And I begin to think.. my ex came over when I'm sick.. wheres my Girlfriend?..

Why is it when something ended den they begin to cherish me more ...

But den i begin to think again.. .. how could I think of this.. this is not fair to Shao Yan.. both parties are innocent.. I'm the one who made up all this shit ..

I'm the one who haven forget bout one and be together with another one..

I truly love all the person I'm with..thats why it did hurt me too ..

lets just say I was really down.. and I found this girl whom is really nice.. and I have feelings with.. whom I really love.. and without thinking much.. we just got together.. yeah bastard I know.. but how cld I have lied to myself?

Maybe i really deserve those criticise .. and all the stares that I'm having in school now..

I dunno..

I only know I did love Jia Xin alot.. and I was really hurt sometimes..

And now that I'm with Shao Yan..all I know is I should love her as much as she does to me.. I shld really cherish her and not give myself another regret..

Gui Ping is having some relationship problem too.. and I really hope that Benny and her will be ok.. for I think that Benny is a nice guy .. and GuiPing is a really nice girl..and both of them deserves each other alot..

Ok.. not emotionally stable not.. and cough keeps coming.. headache..

But I've been 'slping'(not really slping becoz of the headache) for ages.. fuck illness..

tc gp.. most prob u are the only one reading my post=)

Always Been Lucky

Seriously I shld be grateful .. for all that I have.. but I just can't help to forget bout things tat are really bothering me.. I'm always lucky to have someone there to save my ass and help me..I guess the rest is really up to my own.. its the final lap..

Bro(not my siblings) help me in my studies.. really thanks alot.. and he lent me money for my tuition.. but im not sure if the tuition is worth it and whether im able cope..

Was with alot of doubts when I held the money on my hand.. really didn't know wad to say... but feel thankful for all he had done for me..

I will do my best .. but honestly.. my confidence level is really really low.. especially knowing that I've miss out so much stuffs especially for econs and chem..

But.. guess all i can do now is try my best..

Really feel very guilty..

Thank you.. thanks alot.. your name will always be in my heart.. I won't let you down..

Science Stream(MAJOR in MATH)
Engineering
Business

I wanna be a teacher.. I wanna be an actor.. I wanna be a business man..

I wanna do well to repay to all the ppl who had put in a lot of effort to nurture and educate me..

The Drive to work hard.. harder..

Delwin .. Please keep on running.. for everyone.. for yourself..

=D

This is a pasted data Gui Ping Send me bout me.. lol.. some parts are damn true..

He always let other people walk in front of him, but he will get there first. He is a very careful guy and small obstacles won't make him fall easily even he thinks life is a very serious matter. He is as romantic as any other Zodiac. He could look gentle, but inside he is as strong as steel.
Once he determine to do something, he is serious about doing it well. He will keep any pressure or insult deep down inside without showing emotion. You will NEVER SEE HIS EMOTION of burden or disappointment and always wonder what he thinks or feels. He will well kept his feeling.

You will never see a guy in this Zodiac involving in other people business.

He always concern with his own business. Sometimes he can be talkative, but he will never give anyone advice if he has not been asked. If you ask for advice, he will certainly give you one. He respects elderly and senior, so you will see he is the type who visit his parents steadily or often.

He is a slightly shy but also a stubborn person. He will find many ways to make you happy when you are with him, till you realize he is the important person for you. Once he is in the 'Power Position', he will use his power gently. He is a good leader and 'Gentleness' is one of his effective method for exploiting his power. It is although he is borne to be a leader. He never hide his ambition, and he is a workaholic. he will not take any position that he has no control. He will work very hard to reach his goal and satisfaction.

Compliment from his boss or superior are never enough for him, he want his deserved reward. His deep insecurity make him reach and collecting valuable things, and this you may think he is stingy. Actually he could easily spending money to buy things, traveling or pay for things that makes him happy and he think necessary for his need. He care what other people think of him and want to get good comments or compliments.

Outside he looks like stone and steel, but inside he is a fragile person. He will hide and cover up weak emotion and his sadness in order to maintain and keep up his 'Image'. One method of cover up you could easily notice is suddenly if he is quiet, cold, or act very strong or very secure. Often, he feels insecure, even he is serious about his life and his own surrounding.

This is the man who never hurry to get marry, so hardly sit back and regret about his marriage later. If he gets marry, he need to be very certain and very sure. It will take a long time for such decision, so if you tell him that you are 'breaking up' , you better forget him for good because he will never coming back.

He always keep his promise. If he said he will meet you in your place in 2 hours then he will be there, unless there is a serious accident or unavoidable things happen. He hate people who is late for date or any appointment.

He like to think woman should be a follower and take care of family and working is a man duty. He does not like to compete with his girl friend or his wife at work because competition already exist with himself and other people. He will be very proud if he can afford and care for his family. Do not try to over power him or insult him, he can not stand it. He likes to be in control of every things, every situations.

He like a 'Classy Woman' ,if she also comes from a good family then it is a Plus. It will make him feel proud and very ego about her status. Flashy type of woman , forget it. He like a perfect or a nearly perfect housewife. He tend to be possessive. He will not tell you if he is mad at you, but will act very moody to show you instead.(OMG so true)

He like to hear sweet word and compliment so you can get his interest that way.(ABSOLUTELY) If he approaches you to ask you out, do not act too stubborn or fooling around too much. He will get tired and just disappear. He has to feel confident when he is around you, so knowing this fact you should know what to do, right!

If you want him, you have to make him feel like he is the most important person for you. He likes a kind hearted woman , polite and can get along with his family. When he feels sad, do not leave him alone, but be very supportive. Kind words and your smile will win him over, so this strong man will be like a chicken in your palm.

I basically thinks that this describes me TOTALLY
Red words are exceptionally True
Red words with larger font is OMGodly TRUE
Red words with larger fonts with CAPS is just .. lol..

If you are a woman who knows that I'm like this before you read this..
Please me mine =D